Joke of the day

[Godric]

Sickness


A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.


"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"


The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."


"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.


As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.


Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"


Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan."

[Duke of Buckingham]

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O’Connor looks around and asks, “Oh, me boys, someone got to tell Paddy’s wife. Who will it be?”

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet? I’m the most discreet Irishman you’ll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.”

Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares, “Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home.”

“Tell the worthless S.O.B. to drop dead!” says Murphy’s wife.

“I’ll go tell him,” says Gallagher.

[Duke of Buckingham]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

[shiva]

WELCOME to 2014:

• Our Phones – Wireless


• Cooking – Fireless


• Cars – Keyless


• Food – Fatless


• Tires –Tubeless


• Dress – Sleeveless


• Youth – Jobless


• Leaders – Shameless


• Relationships – Meaningless


• Attitudes – Careless


• Babies – Fatherless


• Feelings – Heartless


• Education – Valueless


• Children – Mannerless


• Country – Godless

We are SPEECHLESS, Congress is CLUELESS,
and our President is WORTHLESS !

I'm scared - shitless *
GOD HELP US !
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