Now a word from ground control

[c303a]

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles."
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

=========================

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

=========================

A DC-10 had come in a little fast and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

=========================

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English.
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

=========================

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.
The DC-8 landed, rolled out turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts.
Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

==========================

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ATC ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind.

Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

[Fire$torm]

Only the German joke have I heard before. That last joke kinda reminds me of an Italian woman I once dated......

[shiva]

Only the German joke have I heard before. That last joke kinda reminds me of an Italian woman I once dated......

damn you only dated her, I married her. only lasted about 3 years though.

[c303a]

Be careful. My wife is Italian from Northern Italy and we have been married for a lot longer then a few years.

[Duke of Buckingham]

I must have one from wife on all those places, sorry but I forgot where they were from ...

Bad Memory Duke.

[shiva]

Be careful. My wife is Italian from Northern Italy and we have been married for a lot longer then a few years.

my Italian wife was from Gaeta, at that time it was a little fishing village that was home port to the 5th fleet flag, USS Little Rock. it is about half way between Rome and Naples.

[c303a]

Mine is from Verona. I was stationed at a small Army airfield call Boscomantico and worked on the Ch-34 and H-13 Helicopters.

[Fire$torm]

My former girlfriend was an Italian-American Chicago born native. Does that count?

Oh c303a. You got me on those helos. First I'm gonna guess... Chinook and Iroquois?

Okay, time to look them up..... Ack! LooL, Wrong on both counts. CH-34 is the Choctaw and the H-13 is the Sioux (aka Bell 47) which I think was a M.A.S.H. medical transport?

Question: Though personally I think it's cool and all, why did/does the military use Native American tribal names for most of the helos?

[c303a]

All helicopters were named after Native Americans until I left the Army and I have worked on a lot of them. I'll let you look some of them up. H-13, H-23, H-21, H-19, H-37, H-34, UH-1A, B & D,Ch-47 and Ch-54. Plus I worked on a few starched wings. L-19, L-23, OV-1, and De Haviland Otter and Beaver.
To give you an idea of when I was in Italy, look up the Vajont Dam Disaster. I was a crew chief on a H-34 and flew rescue missions into the area the day after it happened.

[shiva]

All helicopters were named after Native Americans until I left the Army and I have worked on a lot of them. I'll let you look some of them up. H-13, H-23, H-21, H-19, H-37, H-34, UH-1A, B & D,Ch-47 and Ch-54. Plus I worked on a few starched wings. L-19, L-23, OV-1, and De Haviland Otter and Beaver.
To give you an idea of when I was in Italy, look up the Vajont Dam Disaster. I was a crew chief on a H-34 and flew rescue missions into the area the day after it happened.

damn that makes you older than me. I would have never guessed I was still in high school when that happened. course I was in Italy just a few years later, 1965.