To you married guys...

[Slicker]

The question was raised: "If a man alone in the woods speaks, and his
wife cannot hear him, is he still wrong?"

I have considered this question in light of the principles of Modern
Physics and offer my thesis, dedicated to my wife, who anchors me in
reality.


In the year 1900 Max Planck discovered that the energy of light is
quantified. In 1905 Albert Einstein used Planck's Constant to write the
theory of the Photoelectric Effect, that light behaves as a particle
when it comes to energy transfer. Louis de Broglie proposed that
particles can have a wave nature and this fact was later verified.


These discoveries led Neils Bohr to propose a radical theory of the
atom, which was partially successful in explaining the emission spectra
of the hydrogen atom. Neils Bohr was compelled to introduce the
Principle of "Complementarity," that light is both a particle and a
wave.


The modern theories were extended when Max Born showed that the
distribution of energy was a function of probability. Further, Warner
Heisenberg wrote the Principle of Uncertainty, which says that it is
impossible to determine the exact location of an electron and the vector
direction of its momentum at the same time.


This was followed with the master stroke penned by Erwin Schrodinger.
Using the "Psi function" of Quantum Mechanics, Schrodinger could map the
"wave field" of any particle, thus giving us a theoretical explanation
for the structure of an atom and the entire periodic table of the
elements.


The Quantum mechanics predicts that a wave of a single frequency would
stretch out to infinite proportions, the superposition of a narrow range
of frequencies produces a standing wave function which can be localized
to a much more precise location. Thus the electron and its position
within an atom becomes a cloud of probability.


From this I infer that there are such states as being right and being
wrong, within certain parameters of uncertainty. Applying the Psi
function, the more vague the statement of the man the greater the
probability of him being correct. The narrower and more specific his
utterance the greater the likelihood of his being wrong.


Also, the Principle of Complementarity assures us that if a man alone in
the woods speaks, and his wife can not hear him, he is BOTH right and
wrong until he comes out of the woods.


In the analogy of Schrodinger's Cat, the cat in the box is both dead and
alive until someone opens the lid. The act of observing the phenomenon
determines the outcome.


Thus, the inevitable conclusion is that it doesn't matter what the man
says only his wife can determine whether or not he is correct.

(source: rec.humor.funny, January 16, 1999)

[Crazybob]

[Mike029]

Very nice Slicker. I don't know how I missed this one. lol I'll be sure to pass this on to all my married and single friends

[Duke of Buckingham]

[size=14pt]Duke's New Year Resolutions[/size]

I have worked tirelessly in setting New Year's Resolutions every January 1st.

While I'm not always the best at keeping them, I'm consistent, and I'm sure this year will be better than ever before.

I don't like to brag, but I thought maybe you'd enjoy seeing the progress I've made. Here's to a Happy 2012!


RESOLUTION #1:

2006: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2007: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2008: I will read 5 books a year.
2009: I will finish The Pelican Brief
2010: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2011: I will read at least one article this year.
2012: I will try and finish the comics section this year.

RESOLUTION #2:

2006: I will get my weight down below 180.
2007: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2008: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2009: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2010: I will work out 5 days a week.
2011: I will work out 3 days a week.
2012: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

RESOLUTION #3:

2006: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2007: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2008: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2009: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2010.
2010: I will be totally out of debt by 2012.
2011: I will try to pay off the debt interest by 2014.
2012: I will try to be out of the country as fast as I can.

RESOLUTION #4:

2009: I will try to be a better husband to Gloria.
2010: I will not leave Gloria.
2011: I will try for a reconciliation with Gloria.
2012: I will try to be a better husband to Teresa.

RESOLUTION #5:

2009: I will stop looking at other women.
2010: I will not get involved with Teresa.
2011: I will not let Teresa pressure me into another marriage.
2012: I will stop looking at other women.

RESOLUTION #6:

2009: I will not let my boss push me around.
2010: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
2011: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2012: I will tell Dr. Alberto and the group about my boss.

RESOLUTION #7:

2009: I will not get upset when João makes jokes about my baldness.
2010: I will not get annoyed when João kids me about my toupee.
2011: I will not get angry when João tells the guys I wear a girdle.
2012: I will not speak to João.

RESOLUTION #8:

2009: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2010: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2011: I will not become a "problem drinker".
2012: I will not miss any AA meetings.

RESOLUTION #9:

2009: I will see my dentist this year.
2010: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2011: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2012: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

RESOLUTION #10:

2009: I will go to The Synagogue every week.
2010: I will go to The Synagogue as often as possible.
2011: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2012: I will try to catch the late night Sermon on TV.

[size=12pt]But I don't give up.[/size]

[Mike029]