On the issue of hardware for your hardware... I have a solution for you but you probably won't like it. Zip-ties, over at Overclock.net they have a years old thread about "the mod" or "the red mod". It was taking an AIO cooler (ie h100) and mounting it to a GPU. People discovered that zip-ties worked pretty well. You use the two zip-ties as one fastener, snug them all down evenly like they were head bolts, and then snip off the tail of the one acting as the nut. This may not be your style but if you're a utilitarian like me and just want stuff to work it'll work just fine.
Here's the thread:
http://www.overclock.net/t/1203636/o...ka-the-red-mod