Subject: Healthcare is out there!
If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport . . ..
- you’ll get a free x-ray, a pat-down including breast exam, and . . .. if you mention Al Queda, you get a colonoscopy.
Subject: Healthcare is out there!
If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport . . ..
- you’ll get a free x-ray, a pat-down including breast exam, and . . .. if you mention Al Queda, you get a colonoscopy.
RETIRED. NO JOB. NO MONEY. NO WORRIES!
Crunched SETI Classic to the end.
SETI@home classic workunits
17,550
SETI@home classic CPU time 86,861 hours
Pregnant blonde
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I started jumping up and down along with her.
She said, 'I have some really great news!'
I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.'
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't be happier for you!'
Then she said, 'There's more.'
I asked, 'What do you mean there's more?'
She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!'
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant,
I asked her how she knew.
She said. . .
'Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!
RETIRED. NO JOB. NO MONEY. NO WORRIES!
Crunched SETI Classic to the end.
SETI@home classic workunits
17,550
SETI@home classic CPU time 86,861 hours
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello.
RETIRED. NO JOB. NO MONEY. NO WORRIES!
Crunched SETI Classic to the end.
SETI@home classic workunits
17,550
SETI@home classic CPU time 86,861 hours
How the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off while Slicing salami at work,
He blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day
For 40 years and die of lung cancer,
Your family blames the Tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes
Into a tree while driving home drunk,
He blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are
Brats without manners, You blame television.
If your friend is shot by a
Deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer..
And if a crazed person breaks
Into the cockpit and
Tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
And the passengers
Kill him instead,
The mother of the crazed deceased
Blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to
Understand the world
As it is anymore.
So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to Blame Bill Gates.
RETIRED. NO JOB. NO MONEY. NO WORRIES!
Crunched SETI Classic to the end.
SETI@home classic workunits
17,550
SETI@home classic CPU time 86,861 hours
So true. I am going to have to pass that one along.
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?"
She asked.
"Hunting Flies"
He responded.
"Oh. ! Killing any?"
She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"
He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.
RETIRED. NO JOB. NO MONEY. NO WORRIES!
Crunched SETI Classic to the end.
SETI@home classic workunits
17,550
SETI@home classic CPU time 86,861 hours
hahaha! Oh man, those were some good ones. Here's one for you:
God loves a blonde:
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's desperate, so she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray.. "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I
Don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me
win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car.. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You.
PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself.....
"Sweetheart, work with Me on this...... Buy a ticket."
RETIRED. NO JOB. NO MONEY. NO WORRIES!
Crunched SETI Classic to the end.
SETI@home classic workunits
17,550
SETI@home classic CPU time 86,861 hours
hahahaha...Originally Posted by c303a
...ROFL!!!
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