When I was bon I was so hugly the doctor said if he dont bark in 15 days you may raise him for he is a person.
The Duck
The Duck
Hah! When I was born, my head was so huge that the doctor's comment was "Wow, I've never seen a baby whose head was bigger than his shoulders." And sadly, that's not even a joke. My poor mother...
Once between three friends talking the first said If one day I arrive home and my wife was with another man I would kill my wife. The second said I would kill the guy. And after abig Gap both asked the Third and you what would you do? He said well I would put the dog on the street and throw the walking stick out the window. One of the other two said "the dog" the other said "walking stick"?????? So the man replied for someone to be with my wife he must be blind...
Oh my god. That was awesome!Originally Posted by Duke of Buckingham
Once between three friends talking the first said If one day I arrive home and my wife was with another man I would kill my wife. The second said I would kill the guy. And after abig Gap both asked the Third and you what would you do? He said well I would put the dog on the street and throw the walking stick out the window. One of the other two said "the dog" the other said "walking stick"?????? So the man replied for someone to be with my wife he must be blind...
A Politician anywhere in the world was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in Monaghan's flat in Dungarvan when Sean O'Toole loses €700 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael Lennon looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone's got to tell Sean's wife. Who will it be?'
They draw straws. Cavan Colquhoun picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet and gentle and not to make a bad situation any worse.' Discreet? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.' announces Cavan.
He goes over to O'Toole's house and knocks on the door.
Brenda O'Toole answers and asks what he wants. Cavan declares: 'Your husband just lost €700 and is afraid to come home.'
'Tell him to drop dead!' snarls Brenda.' I'll go tell him.' says Cavan.
Well played, Duke. Well played...
I'm pretty sure this qualifies as brilliantly dumb. And completely awesome.
http://funnyblerg.blogspot.com/2011/...parody-in.html
The Engineer and The Manager
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says "You must be a manager."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
6r39 7r199
I can see you better now
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
