Joke of the day

[Duke of Buckingham]

A Meal to Die For

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There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman working on the top of a cliff. The Englishman said, "If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff."

The Scotsman said, "If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."

The Irishman said, "If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff."

The next day, the Englishman had cheese, the Irishman had ham, and the Scotsman had jam. So they all jumped.

At the funerals, the wives of the Scotsman and Englishman said, "Why didn't they just tell us they didn't like their sandwiches?"

The Irish lady said, "I don't know why my husband jumped off the cliff. He made his own sandwiches."

[Duke of Buckingham]

- Father, I need to do a work for school! Can I ask you a question?

- Of course, my son, what is the question?

- What is political, father?

- Well, politics involves: People, Government, Economic power, Working class; and the Future of the country.

- I don't understand, can you explain?

- Well, I will use our home as an example: Who brings money home is me, so I'm the economic power. Your mother manages and spends money, then she is the government. As you take care of her needs, you are the people. Your brother is the future of the country. The Zefinha, his nanny, is the working class. Got it, son?

- More or less, I will think better father.

That night, awakened by the cries of his little brother the boy went to see what was wrong. Found that his brother had soiled his diaper and was all smudged. He went to his parents' room and saw that his mother was in a very deep sleep. he went to his nanny's room and through the keyhole he could see his father fucking her ... As the two didn't perceived the beats the boy gave up from beating in the door, he returned to his room and slept. The next morning at breakfast, he said to his father:

- Dad, now I think I understand what politics is ...

- Great son! So explain to me with your words.

- Good father, I think is this: While the economic power fucks the working class, the government is in a deep asleep. The people are totally ignored and the future of the country is in the shit!

Someone Bad Joke

[Duke of Buckingham]

Translation:
Is there life after death?
hop the fence
and find out.

[Fire$torm]

Translation:
Is there life after death?
hop the fence
and find out.

Yeah, I'd like to know. Okay Duke, you go first....

[Duke of Buckingham]

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."

"Why does it cost so much?" asks the customer.

"Well," the owner explains, "that parrot knows how to do legal research."

The customer asks about the next parrot and is informed that it costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.

Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot.

"$4,000," says the shop owner proudly.

"Wow!" the customer exclaims. "What can he do?!"

"To be honest," the shop owner admits, "I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."

[Duke of Buckingham]

“Blind Portuguese Man”

One day while cruising Wall Mart I saw this blind Portuguese guy walking towards me as he was being pulled by his “Seeing Eye” dog. Suddenly he pulled the dog off the floor by it’s leash as it choked and started swinging it around in a circle. A store clerk ran up to him and cried, ” Mister, mister are you all right?” The man replied with ”I’m fine… just looking around.”

[Duke of Buckingham]

Milk Bath

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on her door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes."

[Duke of Buckingham]

A Chinese man rings his boss, “Me no work I sick.”
Boss says, “When I’m sick, I make love with my wife. Try that.”
Two hours later the Chinese man rings back, “Me better, you got nice house.”

[Slicker]

Empathy for a homesick snowbird
I was in Jefferson City, Missouri the other day and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Chicago."
So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker on the bumper and left a note that read, "I hope this helps!"

[Duke of Buckingham]

Aliens Attack


President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.

"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news."

"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."

"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."

"Gosh, and the good news?"

"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."