Amusing Stuff...

[c303a]

Fondling in Bed



After 20 years of marriage, a couple were lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.



It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.



He then caressed her shoulders and neck slowly moving his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.



He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then he proceeded up her inner thigh stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch TV.



As she had become quite aroused by this caressing she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful. Why did you stop?”





He said, “I found the remote.”

[Maxwell]

This was just brilliant...

[Fire$torm]

[joker]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcZd-ql7t1I

[Maxwell]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcZd-ql7t1I

That reminds me of the scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark... I like it!

[DrPop]

This just in from a Dr. friend of mine.

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.


She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.


She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.


'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'


The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.


The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.


'Yes, I do' she replies.


The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.


'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'


'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.


The husband continues. Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'


'I remember that too' she replies softly.


He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...


'I would have been released today.'

ROFL....!!!....

[c303a]

Perfect comeback

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching someone sitting next to him

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange

& blue - and my dad kept staring at her.

The teen would look over and find my dad staring, every time.

When she'd finally had enough, she sarcastically asked:

"What's the matter old man, never done anything

wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so I wouldn't choke on

his response - I knew he'd have a good one!

In classic style, he responded without batting an eyelid:

"Got drunk once and had s e x with a peacock.

I was just wondering if you were my daughter."

[Maxwell]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The blond replies…..”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

[c303a]

I'm sure some of us can understand what this guy is going through.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1B4AZI

[Maxwell]

This tickled me in a weird way...